It's been so long...

since I've written on a regular basis. Feels like coming home, but now it's to a different house. Time has changed many things in my life. For better, for worse... just one of the changes in my life. I'm no longer married to Everybody's Wingman. Probably the biggest change in my life. We're still friends, or at least as far as I know. We lost touch with each other somewhere in the middle. We both decided that we wanted different things out of life. I wish him the best... and I still worry about him. I think he'll find what he's looking for one of these days. I hope it's soon.

Work is busy. I seem to have lost touch with my inner party girl. I've spent more time working on the latest software release than being out at the bar. The winter always finds me hiding out, and this year seems worse than usual. I can't wait for spring to arrive! I have so many things planned! Most involve the dog and the outdoors. I have several friends who love to go fishing, and I have the 4-wheel drive vehicle to go in. I've even had to promise to take my little brother fishing this summer. He's dying to go.

I've found more than just great friends while fishing. I found a really great friend who has turned into more. While I was trying to figure out what was going to happen with my life, he was going through a problem situation with his fiancee. We started out as confidantes who could understand what each other was going through. Now, we're pretty much inseparable. He loves to play poker (sometimes a little too much!), has a warped sense of humor (in a good way!), and is an all-around great guy. Maybe its because of what I just got out of, but I like the fact that he rarely drinks and usually dislikes being in bars. He does like hanging out with my random friends in the dive bars I prefer though.

Now, I'm focusing on the positives in my life and building on those. Did I lose the weight last year? No. I focused on quitting smoking instead. I needed that more. I quit August 23, 2008. My lungs feel so much better! My weight is the next goal. I started working on that again this month. Only a couple of pounds, but it's a start. Nothing happens overnight.

I'm also going to spend some spare time working on repairs and upgrades to the house. Mostly little things like fixing the window sill the dog chewed, but I would love to have hardwood floors put in on the first floor. I have friends who can do the work, so with a little bartering for food and booze, I might get away semi-cheaply.

I'd love to say that I could just pay for it all with poker winnings. I'm not in that position yet. I did turn $20 into $600 on Bodog, but it took me a while. Even now, I still have setbacks. I take it one day at a time. That's my LCD TV fund. I still have about another $1200 to go.

I have a lot of positives in my life. I plan on making the most of those. I'm still young. I'm smart. I'm funny. And I can probably still drink some of the other poker bloggers under the table. Hopefully, I'll have a chance to see some of you guys soon to try it!

I love you guys! :)

Evie

I'm baaaaack! :)

Something new soon, I promise!

Trying to get back on that horse...

Then again, all I have is a dog. :)

I'm sure everyone has seen the pictures Al has posted of my little Zeke. If I can't have a kid, I figured the next best thing was a dog. The bonus is that you can crate-train dogs... try that with a 3 year old, and you're going to jail. See, it all works out for the best anyways.

After a rocky start, the little mutt has become my pride and joy. I think I've bored everyone to death with the pics on my treo. So I downloaded them and got them ready for posting. I can bore more people that way. LOL! An undescribable amount of thanks goes out to Gracie for pointing me in the direction of the Superpuppy books. I've still got lots of work to do with him, but without the dominance training and a few other little tips, I think I'd be completely pulling my hair out now. I'll never be able to say thank you enough... but I'm sure my cat is cursing the both of us as we speak. He's still not too happy with the addition to the family. Does the book come in a cat version to show Meph how to teach the dog to leave him alone?

Zeke is not a big fan of poker. How do I know this? The amount of time that I have to spend away from the game while keeping him from getting in trouble while he doesn't have 100% of my attention gives me that impression. Live games or online. While playing HORSE on Sunday, I missed at least 10 minutes because he needed to go out. While he was "making pee", he saw his neighborhood girlfriend. Of course, he couldn't go in without wresting around in the grass with her. And it's really hard to explain that I can't let my dog have fun because I'm having to post an ante every hand and I don't want to lose much of my chipstack. (Maybe I just need new neighbors, but...) Luckily, it was an early level and I wasn't hurt too badly. After much time and much luck, I was able to kick Al's butt. :) It's the first "blogger tournament" I've ever won. Of course, with only 17 people (one of which was just donating), I had a much better chance.

Most weekends get spent with Zeke, lately at the beach. He loves the sand, hates the car ride. Not just that he "doesn't like it", but he vomits. A lot. I was given a little advice on how to deal with his little ailment though. Bonine. Motion sickness/anti-vomiting pills. It also helps to give him a pig's ear to gnaw to distract him until his body gets used to the ride. He's getting much better with short rides though. It used to be that he couldn't make it more than a few blocks before making a mess of the blanket on the back seat. Now, I take him to the dog park, the pet store, and McDonalds on a regular basis.

The dog likes food from the golden arches. My Mom's dog can recognize them no matter where they're driving to and goes nuts. Zeke isn't like that, but he knows the paper bags and waits for his double hamburger plain. I've learned that he doesn't eat ice cream though. Or dog biscuits. Or a whole lot of stuff most dogs would die for. He likes his dried chicken (best dog treat ever!), and I get him random assorted leftover cured livestock parts for him to gnaw on. And I do mean random. Who ever thought you could get whole cow hooves and noses at the pet store? He likes pig ears and cow tails too... not the caramel kind... but I've shied away from the lamb ears and some of the other stuff I couldn't identify. I guess I just feel bad for the fluffly little sheep. Kind of silly since my favorite ones are served medium-rare with a horseradish sauce. I think I have issues.

Well, it's almost 10 PM, and the dog and I have to get to bed. He has his pillow, I have mine. Spoiled brat. He deserves it though. Zeke the wonder puppy is definitely a plus in my life. I still haven't made it around to a lot of other stuff I wanted to do, but his company makes up for a whole lot. The rest will fall into place. It always does...

Coming home... to a different address

I haven't been here for a very long time. Since the middle of November, in fact. New blogger software. All kinds of changes. Like the rest of my life.

What I found really funny were the last few comments left on my long lost post by some random nitwits. One was spewing off whatever stream of consciousness rant they decided to rip off from someone who might have been an amazingly creative and intelligent person... but the bitterness and self-righteousness end up making them sounding like a blathering idiot. (Does that make me sound bitter and self-righteous? LOL)

While I was scrolling down, one of the last lines at the bottom caught my eye.

"This is typical of the positioning of the gods. It's crucial that you begin to think correctly."

I didn't bother wasting my time with the rest of it, but that one line was amazingly relavant to me. It's crucial that you begin to think correctly. I'd realized that my vision had been a bit blurred. Much of it was my own doing.

I'd allowed myself to become stuck. I was stuck in a job that had nothing going for it other than a continuing paycheck. I was stuck in a drinking and partying rut that had left me bloated and unattractive. I was stuck in an emotional state that was dragging me down (and most of you know what a happy-go-lucky and smiley person I usually am).

I'm making changes. My job was the first. I'm a full time, permanent employee at my company. I work with a great group of guys. And I'm not using the figurative mode of the word - I'm the only woman in my department, but I'm treated as one of the guys. I get the same respect and abuse as anyone else. I feel like I fit in. Completely.

I've stopped the constant partying. I drink much less than I used to. I'm getting back to doing things I like but didn't have time for when I was out in the bar all the time. I think I'm going this weekend to buy a new fishing pole. Yup, a fishing pole. (There's a sale - yay!) I went a few times at the end of last summer and I remembered how much I used to enjoy it. I have several friends that love to go sit on the beach and enjoy the day while waiting for "the big one" to bite. I love being outside, enjoying the sun. I haven't done that much lately.

I'd gotten out of playing poker because my mind and my mood didn't allow me to play well. I wasn't focused, especially after a few beers or the effects of too many the night before. I'm playing really good poker now. Over the last two or three months, I've dominated the home games I've played in. Both guys from work and friends. One of my co-workers covered my nameplate with a post-it with "Annie Duke" written on it. My next test will be to hit AC and test the waters there. See if I'm really back on track or if I'm just in a lucky streak.

I'm still working on some of my other problems. I'll be going back to THE DIET soon. That will pretty much kill any of my remaining drinking. I need to begin feeling good about myself again. About how I look. About how I think other people perceive me. About what I've accomplished in life and where I'm going. This is going to be my focus for a while. I need to become me again, because I think I lost a lot of that along the way.

It's like moving to a new house. You bring a lot of your old stuff with you, but you're not going to want to bring that torn-up old chair or your collection of one-socks that you can't find the mates for. Not everything gets thrown out, but you need to find what's going to work best for you and go with it. Moving is good... it gets you to clean out the basement. And anyone who's ever been in the basement of my house knows that I just drug everything along. I think it's time to sort through what I have and put things in order.

Now that things are settling in...

Hopefully I'll be back to my normal lackadaisical, blogging self soon. :)

My change in job is turning out to be a very good thing. My manager Bob is a great guy, and he'll be transitioning over everything in the lab to me - including all networking, infrastructure, and hardware. The experience alone will make me worth a ton more money in the job market. I still have a few things that I'm going to need to work on (like getting my boss to work out a deal with me so I'll have a little more time off), but the opportunities at this place are phenomenal. I just finished 3 weeks. I really like the guys I work with, and they've accepted me as part of their team. My comeback skills are sharpening by the day... the abuse that I give and receive has me smiling at work like I haven't been able to for a long time. They've even invited me to be part of their home game every month. You know you're accepted when...

I've also been able to fit in a little more online poker. I'm usually a Full Tilt player. I have been since the beginning. I've built up my bankroll, but it's been slow. It seems that every time I make a substantial gain, I lose the bulk of it over the next few sessions. Anyone that's ever played with me knows that I'm a tight player. (Unless I've been drinking, then all bets are off.) The variance on those tables has always frustrated me though. Maybe it's just the levels I play.

On the advice of a friend, I decided to pull some of my bankroll out of FTP and play on Bodog for a little bit. Just give it a shot. Today was my first day. So far, I'm really liking it! The GUI took some time for me to get used to, and they're missing a few of the features I like (you can't search for your friends). It's only been minor stuff so far. The players are just as loose - they love to call when you have the best hand. I was called all the way to the river when I raised with pocket Ks and caught a set on a K-high flop. The major difference seems to be the cards. Yes, there's still suckouts when someone calls with something they shouldn't and chases to the river. It just doesn't seem to have as many suck/resuck hands. To me, the action seems to be more like live poker. I'm playing a higher limit than I ever have on Full Tilt, and I'm doing well.

I'm sure my suckouts will come, but until that day, I'm going to enjoy the calling stations and what they add to my bankroll.

HELLO.... Hello.... hello....

Ok...

So, I've started at least half a dozen posts over the last 5+ weeks. I never finished any of them. Even this one was started a couple of days ago. I'm just getting around to finishing it up and posting it now.

I'm still alive. Busy, but alive. A few people have had contact with me since the Bash. I think that more than a few people thought I might keel over that weekend... especially those who caught my cold. Sorry guys and gals. I never thought that the beer pong cups wouldn't be changed after each round. I guess the alcohol can't kill all those germs.

Quick update on things.

1 - I have a new job

Started Monday. Smaller company - about 500 people instead of hundreds of thousands. I'm now working with Solaris and linux instead of HP-UX and AIX. It's Unix, which makes it easier. It's UFS/Solaris 8, which makes it harder. I won't geek out on anyone, but if you have experience with Solaris, you know what I mean about their volume management. Best thing - NO MORE ONCALL! (like the night of the Bash...) I always said that I love challenges...

2 - I'm in more leagues

It used to be just pool on Monday nights. Add shuffleboard on Sundays and another pool league on Tuesdays, and this girl gets busy at the beginning of the week. I like the people on my shuffleboard team, even if one of them is a little overbearing. My Tuesday night partner for pool needs some serious mental help, but he's a good guy. I've been warned not to ask him about the time he was abducted by aliens, raped by Bigfoot (who's female... who would've thunk it?) or his job at NASA. Yeah, he's a little cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Same pool team on Mondays as last session. I still need lots of practice.

3 - Dealing with family stuff

My sister's having problems with her boyfriend. I'm just playing the role of the supportive big sister. I will always support her in whatever decisions she makes. I want to see her happy though. I wish I could do more, but she has to make her own choices.

4 - Poker, poker and more poker

My addiction comes and goes. Some days, I don't even want to look at it. Lately, I've been stuck on it non-stop. I was doing well for the most part. Some days up, some days down... but staying about the same. I made the mistake of coming home late after a few beers and trying to play a higher level with a friend. Ugh. Big hit on the bankroll. Not unrecoverable, but it hurts to see it go like that. Even though you know you shouldn't be playing as you click on the RAISE button...

5 - Puppies!

It looks like I might be getting a dog. I haven't decided 100% yet. My Mom's dog is pregnant... or at least we think she is. Mom's got a Jug (half Pug, half Jack Russell terrier). Her dog is adorable, but she's high-strung and has the separation anxiety that is a trait of the Jack Russell breed. My brother has a little black male miniature poodle. The two of them loved to play together as puppies. It seems that they somehow figured out new games to play along the way. I'd love a dog, but I don't know if they'll have the separation anxiety problem. I'd have a rough time dealing with that. Plus, I'm sure my cat Mephistopheles would love to have a little bouncing ball of fur chasing him around all the time.

6 - Pregnant friend

My friend Danielle is pregnant. Due in January. I'm so excited! She found out that she's having a boy. I've already bought her a whole bunch of stuff. I'm gonna be a good aunt. LOL I'm trying to be there for her, too. Pregnant women are so hormonal though. Wow... I'm bad enough as it is. Maybe I shouldn't breed. I'd hate to end up in jail for killing someone who said the wrong thing to me.

Ok... this is all I have time for. I have another 2 linux servers that I have to build now, and I have to find install instructions from somewhere. Although I'd love to fudge it, I have to install it from the customer instructions so that the testing gives an accurate picture of what we can expect when we roll the software out.

I'm not ready to give up on this blog yet. It's severely neglected, but I'm going to make a serious effort to post more often. Don't write me off yet... if you haven't already. :)

Before the Bash and other topics...

Hello hello dear friends! Welcome back to my little space... I haven't forgotten about it, but I just can't make it back often enough to clear out all the cobwebs. They seem to haven taken over the corners and are now trying to take over the center of my brain. And dammit, I hate spiders.

I've been avoiding the internet and all things computer outside of work lately. I had been playing some online poker, but after getting my ass handed to me on some brutal hands and going on some serious tilt, I stepped back and stepped away from the keyboard. It was a good move. I needed the time away. I'm still only coming back in small steps...

I've taught a few friends to play Razz. I love Razz. I thank Felicia for introducing me to the game and giving me some great pointers to get me started. Such a simple game to learn, but a really tough game to master. And I love introducing new people to it. Teaching someone else makes me feel like I have something to give back to people, instead of always taking from others. I don't think I'm any good, but it's a start!

My Mom came to visit as a combination birthday celebration - both hers and mine. She just turned 60 on Sept. 9th, and I had my birthday on the 14th. (It wasn't a milestone birthday, so you don't get to know how old I am. LOL) My friends took me out for dinners the few nights before my birthday, but the weekend was all about making sure Mom had a good time. Although I had to work on my birthday, I made sure to take her to dinner that night, Atlantic City the next day, and on a fishing boat on Saturday.

Yes, you read right. A fishing boat. Mom loves to fish. She's where I get my lack of respect for propriety when it comes to girl/boy-type activities. Fishing is not just something for guys... and Mom proved it. Although she had a slow start and didn't catch anything for the first few hours, she came back with a vengeance and caught 9 huge bluefish. More than anyone else in our group that went, and probably more than anyone else on the boat. We brought home about 80 lbs of fish. And don't bother listening to Al - if food isn't bacon-flavored, he won't eat it half the time. We finished cleaning the fillets that night and threw a test batch on the grill. It tasted great! (Yes, I made Al try it. He didn't make faces... and he'll probably say he lied to me when he said it was good.)

Mom also ended up being the catalyst for me getting in touch with an old friend from high school. Long story short, she had me searching for someone's profile on myspace from my hometown - who was causing a scandal by starting a soft porn website with her husband. (For growing up in a small town, we sure had some fun!) I found the profile for one of the guys that I went to school with from grade school up. I was never a popular kid, but he was always nice to me. Even though I haven't spoken to him in about 15 years, I sent him a quick email to say hi. He sent back a note saying hi and all the normal niceties. I don't know if we'll end up keeping in touch, but it felt good to reconnect with someone from my past. I've had a lot of stress and change going on in my life recently, and it felt like a grounding force. By looking at myself in the same way he would see me, it made me realize just how far I've come in my life and will help me figure out where I'm headed. Then again, he's got a far more exciting life than I do... I think I'm just jealous. :)

So, it's just a few days before the Bash. So much to do, so little time. I'm gonna get to see so many friends that I haven't seen since the last Vegas trip. It always seems like forever in between visits. It's awesome to see so many people come together to get shitfaced for a good cause. I'm so horrible with linking stuff up, or I'd put in all kinds of great links to the charities and the cool people showing up. I guess you'll just have to trust me - or go to Al's website. See the links on the right... I'm even too lazy to link him up. LOL

Here's to using your powers for good instead of evil! And I'll see many of you in just a few days!